Friday, May 27, 2005

The Chump Strikes Back

In an unprecedented display of malice the Chump has launched a revisionist history campaign against the forces of good in these three posts. Let's review: Who has been the most consistent blogger? Me. Who was absent for months at a time? The Chump. And then, after a flurry of posts over a few short days, who accused whom of being "absent?" Once again, the Chump. I did not fire the first salvo in this war. That (dis)honor belongs to my opponent. The Jedi do not start wars.

I am currently on the defensive, but soon I will pen the final chapter of this conflict, restoring peace and order to the blogosphere.

PS: to Olen: I've been trying to come up with a good Sith Lord name for you. How Does "Darth Meatbag" strike you?

A New Dope

The Chump has increased in power because of his flurry of activity. He thinks he has become a greater blogger than me because of his post count since Revenge of the Sith came out. Little does he know that my supposed defeat was not a defeat at all.

The Chump recently referred to me as "Dopey-Wan Kenobi." Little does he know that this Dope is on the verge of a blogging rebellion that will topple the Chump's tenuous Empire. Order will be restored. Rest assured, my friends, the galaxy will soon be at peace again.

Revenge of the Chump

During one of the most anticipated events on the cultural calendar (the debut of Revenge of the Sith) the entire blogosphere rejoiced. Those who love the movie got to post rave reviews and those who didn't got to complain like the whiners they are. All was well in the galaxy. Then, as quietly as he disappeared, the Chump stepped back onto the scene.

His first few posts were of a high quality. Really good blogging. But that was just to lull me into a false sense of security. I was happy to have my friend back, blogging side by side once again. Little did I realize that in the meantime he had turned to the dark side.

In my happiness to have Olen, who I now refer to only as "the Chump," return I did not realize that his posting powers had made him arrogant. His post count rose high, as did his ego. This, I believe, is the flaw that lead to his downfall. In his pride, his unmitigated hubris, he lashed out at me, his closest blogosphere friend.

Read this post. Only when I read this post did I realize that, like Anakin Skywalker, the Chump had turned to the dark side. I was caught off guard, but he did not strike me down. Not at my post? HA! I may have had an off month in May, but I've been fairly consistent in posting once a week.

You're arrogance is your weakness, Chump.

Attack on the Chump

So the previously identified Chump disappears again after he congratulates me on my "arbitrary choice award" in February. Still not suspecting the influence of the dark side, I was pleased with his return to blogging. However, months crept by and the Chump faded from sight again. Truly shadowy, this master of the dark side. Had I known then what I know now, I would have prepared for the worst.

Knowing I can reach the Chump via the Force (aka Yahoo Instant Messenger) I began harrassing him about his second disappearance. "You have a lot to contribute," I would say. "You're funny! People like that!" But no amount of cajoling would stir the Chump from his shadows. He would strike only when the time was right...

The Phantom Chump

So I know this guy. Last year we both decide, hey, let's both start blogs. So we do, and all is right in the galaxy. We're both cruising along pretty as you please, then the guy just stops blogging. That's right. Zero activity. He disappears. Apparently this post took a lot out of him because it was the last one he made for a long time.

Five months later, the Phantom Chump (aka the White Poet Warlord, aka Olen) comes out of hiding for a brief post congratulating me on an award. I was thankful. Little did I know that this was just a ruse. He was setting things up for a masterful attack. More to come.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I Have Seen it, and it was Good!

So I went to the midnight show last night. Episode III will not disappoint. *Warning: There may be spoilers ahead* The thing that surprised me the most was how sad I was to see the Jedi die. I guess I had developed a sort of fondness for Ki Adi Mundi, Plo Koon, Saesee Tinn, and Mace Windu. Not Kit Fisto, though. I thought he looked stupid in Episode II and never understood why he got some sort of mini-following. Good riddance to that guy.

Of course, I'll need to see it again to fully appreciate all of the light saber duels. Another surprising thing was how close Palpatine came to being defeated...twice. Mace almost had him until Anakin screwed that up, and Yoda could've taken him out in the Senate chamber if he could have held on to that ledge and climbed back up. Back to Mace and Palpatine, though. I suppose he was playing possum for Anakin's sake there. Still, Mace had him on the ropes.

One final comment (for now): Did anyone else think Anakin on the operating table was a pretty gruesome sight? Nasty stuff. I'll probably blog on Star Wars some more later.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The Time Draweth Nigh

These are the days we Star Wars folk have dreamed of. Revenge of the Sith is soon to be released and it is getting (for the most part) positive press. Of course, there's the bit of political axe-grinding that Lucas apparently does in this movie, but not even that is going to harsh my Star Wars buzz. As you know, I have my tickets, and when the drums start beating at 12:01 am Thursday, I'll be there. This is it. I'm very much looking forward to this darker movie. It will be a little sad to see some of the characters I've enjoyed in the last two movies die, but that's the nature of the beast. I have a morbid curiosity as to how the various Jedi are going to die. I'm sure a bunch will be taken out at once in an explosion or something, and many more will be executed off screen, but I seem to remember Samuel L. Jackson requesting that he die on screen. Perhaps his duel with the emperor? I wonder how Ki Adi Mundi will die? Maybe Anakin? Only those who've seent he movie know for sure. By this time Thursday, I'll know too. It's almost time.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

My Friends Woulda Killed Me!

I dodged a bullet yesterday. I was assigned the duty of buying the Star Wars tickets for our local midnight showing (yeah, yeah, I'm a geek). So Monday I call one of the local theaters. The girl says, "I'm sorry, we have it on three screens here and they're all sold out." My stomach dropped. I had seen Episodes 1 and 2 in at midnight shows and the prospect of missing Episode 3's was mildly depressing. Add to that the fact that I was supposed to buy tickets for my brother Aaron and our friend Randy. I was sure they were going to kill me. Fortunately, the movie girl wasn't finished.

"We might get it on a fourth screen," she said, "but we won't know for a few days." So I pester the movie folks for a few days, and yesterday they say they got the fourth screen, but I needed to hurry and buy the tickets. So I zoom across town, and along the way I find out I actually need to buy two more tickets for some of our other friends. That means another stop at the ATM. So a few wreckless driving moments later I get to the theater and procure five tickets for me and my friends. Mission accomplished. And my friends need not be the they read my blog...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

One Post in all of April!??!?!

I can't believe it! I just realized I only posted once in the entire month of April! I'm very disappointed in myself. I think I'll give myself a time out when I get home. Anyway, I have a few things I want to post on in coming days, so I should actually post more than once this month.

One thing that has made me (superficially) happy: the arrival of dark chocolate M&Ms. YUM. It is evident to me that M&Ms have now evolved to their highest form. That brings me to this question: Who the heck decided milk chocolate was so great?!?!? Of course, I'm the type who would buy a bag of Hershey's Miniatures just for the Special Dark candy bars.

Since we're talking dark chocolate here, do you remember dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses? I was so excited when they came out, but I must say I was bitterly disappointed. I like my dark chocolate to put up a bit of resistance to the bite and then break, but the Kisses were just mushy. They were missing a vital part of the dark chocolate experience. Texture is very important to me in my food.

Well, I'm glad that I could share this deep and scintillating conversation with all you readers out there! See you soon.