One Clean Slate with a Heaping Tablespoon of Uncertainty

Clean slate, folks. We have a new year to muck around in. I usually don't make a big deal about the new year (after all, it is technically just another day), but I feel a bit different today. There's something about having a specific goal for the year that changes my perspective. I know I have a lot of work to do for the MFA applications, and I know it has to be good work. I can't work on my writing sample with, say, the same forethought and effort I give to these blog posts. Nor can I let the MFA requirements slip for a month or ten. Procrastination is not an option this year. With the the number of application fees I'll have to pay, I can't afford to wait and do them all at once.

Then there's the GRE. My general impression is that the GRE doesn't matter much for the MFA programs themselves, but the grad schools in general require them. So I'll need to study for that. The GRE has double the pressure, though, because I have to beat my brother's score, and he hasn't left me much wiggle room. Right bro? Seriously, this test is a big deal. There's at least the possibility that my score could be a tie-breaker between me and an equally qualified candidate.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like a high school senior applying to some top colleges. When I applied to college I had no doubt I would get in to my schools of choice. Marshall University and Tri-State Bible College are fairly non-competetive. I was even confident about getting in here at the seminary. Covenant is a good school, but it's not primarily a scholar's seminary. Now, on the other hand, I'm applying to schools that are among the best in the field. That means I'll be up against the best writing students in the nation. If it was just a standardized test, I wouldn't worry about it so much, but writing is more subjective. Add to that the fact that I don't have a good sense of what quality of work I can do consistently, and my consternation increases.

So hopefully in the next few months I can crank out a couple of perfect 10 stories, which will then lead to me getting into every program I apply to. Then I can stroll onto campus as a superstar, and writing success will inevitably follow. That's how it works, right?

Meeting With Dr. Calhoun

I met with one of my professors today.  Dr. David Calhoun is the freshly retired professor of Church History at Covenant Seminary, but he is continuing to teach.  Last semester I took the elective "Christianity and Imagination" to him, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  In fact, the class proved pivotal, helping me to decide what I want to do in the future.

I'm also taking Reformation and Modern Church History to Dr. Calhoun this summer, and I met with him after class today.  We'd been planning on that since the end of last semester, but this was the first chance we had to get together.  It was a good meeting.  His comments on my story were encouraging and his advice for me was helpful.  Beyond that, it was just nice to have a conversation with him.  He is one of the kindest men you could meet, and he understands what a writer needs to do in order to do good work.  I must say, I was a bit embarrassed by showing him some of the story's content.  It's not pornographic, nor does it have a Tarantino-like level of language and violence, but there is some cursing and a reference to a sexual situation.  Dr. Calhoun is a Flannery O'Connor fan, though, so he understands what it takes to craft a powerful story.  You have to deal with the warts of reality in a realistic way.

All in all, a good meeting.  He has encouraged me on my way toward pursuing an MFA, and he even said he saw that I had some talent.  Hopefully I can continue to develop said talent and write something that is worthwhile for both Christians and non-Christian.  He also advised me to continue to go to conferences and make contacts with people in the field.  It's nice when you get advised to do exactly what you wanted to do anyway . . .

A 'Creative' Future

As my faithful readers know, I have been fretting over the future here for a long time.  I have bounced between being a pastor and pursuing a PhD, probably in Moral Theology.  Well, I think I've come to a decision.  Mary Ann and I have been discussing this for the last few days, and I think I'm going to pursue an MFA in creative writing.  You'll notice that this is neither the pastoral track nor the PhD track.  There are PhD options in creative writing, but most programs just offer the terminal MFA.

How did I come to this decision, you ask?  By weighing the options, of course!  I looked at PhD work and realized that I could not really get excited about Moral Theology.  I had also come to the conclusion that the pastorate was not the place for me a long time ago.  Then I took a long look at my writing abilities, and I came to the conclusion that I'm a better "creative writer" than I am a theologian.  So the "subjective experience" criterion was definitely in the MFA's favor.

Then I thought about how I feel alive when I'm writing fiction.  I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile.  Like I'm where I'm supposed to be.  It's a spectacular feeling, and one I'm not used to.  I realized then that God designed me to write.  That's how I'm built.  And if I can put in a commercial for Covenant Seminary here, this place has really helped me come to grips with how God made me, and how he can use the arts for his glory.  Coming here for the MDiv was worth it, even if I won't be using the degree in the expected way.

To continue the process I had a conversation with Mary Ann a few days back.  I was still clinging to the idea that I might use the PhD as my primary goal, but keep the MFA as a side option.  During that conversation she helped me realize that practically speaking the PhD was not all that much better than the MFA.  Both the PhD and the MFA will open up teaching jobs, the PhD in theology and religious studies, and the MFA in creative writing.  Neither field has huge demand, but MFA programs are popping up all over.  There is more growth there, I think.  Also, if I get the MFA jobs in the book industry open up a bit for me.  I could get an editing job more easily than before.  Theology doesn't offer a similar non-professorial option.  I know there are think-tanks, but there are certainly more publishers than there are think-tanks.  So there's that.

I also think I stand a better chance of getting into an MFA program with funding than I do a similarly funded PhD program.  As I said before, I'm a better writer than a theologian.  The question is, of course, which program?  I've started trying to figure that out, but that's a post for another day.