Whither Joy and Slavery?

Welcome to "Wherever I Am," the blog formerly known as "Joy and Slavery," which was formerly known as "The Lazy Logician." Back when I started the first incarnation of this blog I wanted to focus on philosophical issues with occasional forays into every day life topics. I did that for a while, but my interests shifted to theology. In the interest of appropriate signage I changed the blog to "Joy and Slavery," which I took to be a "theologically friendly" title. A friend told me it sounded a bit more like a blog for masochists, but the title hung around until this year.

After graduating from seminary (and failing to get into an MFA program) I realized that I had a problem: my interests are too diverse. I kept waiting for something to hook me and keep me forever, but now I realize it's not going to happen. There is no ONE THING that will be my eternal writing topic.

I like fiction, but I also like essays. I like theology, but I also like philosophy. I like football, indie rock, comic books, serious lit, etc. I suppose most of us are like this, but I needed this blog to be a place where I could feel free to write on any of those topics.

So the name change happened. The title "Wherever I Am" can be taken in a few ways.
First, the "Wherever I Am" could be interpreted as allowing a day-to-day topic shift. I'll write from wherever I happen to "be" mentally that day. There is, however, a sort of back door theological reference some of you may have noticed.

In Exodus 3 the Lord told Moses to that his name was "I AM." The second way to think of the blog's new title is to stick a comma in the middle. "Wherever, I AM." In other words, I don't know where you're taking me, but that's where I want to go, Lord.

And that's the way I want to live life: pursuing the interests that God has given me with his direction serving as the backbone.

So, wherever I am I say, "Wherever, I AM."

Good Eating

Good Eating: A poem about sin.

Sin is a many-toothed mouth;
broad, flat, and iron black.
grinding, crushing, cursed.

Sin is a many-toothed mouth;
wet edges glistening,
broken like glass

Sin is a many toothed mouth;
we gorge tooth to tooth and forget
it is not food if it eats you back.

Max Duncan, Literary Giant

In case you're wondering, the previous post is indeed a story dictated by my story-tellin' son, Maxwell Isaiah Duncan. Getting into the family business already . . .

MFA Anxiety

Microsoft Office is downloading an update to the ol' computer. So I'm going to flex my writing muscles on the blog this morning. This has been a jam-packed semester, so blogging has been a low priority for the last couple of months. Now, though, I'm going to take advantage of this lull to blog about my anxieties. Hooray!!!

Things are going fairly well for my MFA application process at this point. The GRE is over and done with, I have two out of three people I need to recommend me, and I'm actually staying on top of the process. I have two stories I like and am working on a third. All of these are good.

However . . . I am constantly having to pray about the subjectivity of MFA admissions. You can write an excellent story, but if the wrong people don't like your stuff, you're out of luck. In a recent article in Poets and Writers Benjamin Percy (an excellent writer, in my opinion) mentioned that one of his stories was rejected for publication 39 times. Once it was finally published, Salman Rushdie picked it as an honorable mention for Best American Short Stories. That was a happy ending for Benjamin, but my mind keeps going back to the strong possibility that I won't have a 'Salman Rusdie.'

I suppose it's a good thing that these thoughts move me to pray, but I think it would be better to just not be anxious. "Be anxious for nothing" and all that. I think the anxiety rises from a few sources:

1. I've never been this uncertain about applying for anything. I was quite certain I would get into my undergrad schools and seminary. But for MFAs there are so many applicants and so few slots nationwide that the percentages are against me.

2. I've never wanted something as much as I want this, career-wise. This is the path I want to take, so not getting into the MFA would be a blow.

3. I don't have a good solid idea for what I would do in the immediate aftermath of 14 rejection letters. I reckon it would involve a hasty retreat to West Virginia, but what then? Apply again? Distance programs, maybe? What do I do in the meantime? I can teach, but how many jobs are there available for chaps like me?

All that said, I do have good reasons not to be anxious. I believe God called me in the direction of writing. That doesn't mean that I'm guaranteed an MFA slot, but it does mean that God is taking care of me. God surprises us sometimes (surprise, Paul! You've been bitten by a venomous snake!) but then he surprises again with his deliverance (the venom won't harm you. Surprise again!).

Thanks, God. I feel better.

The Time Draws Near, The Writer Readies Himself . . . Kinda . . .

MFA application season approaches. I still don't feel like I have a great writing sample, but I've come to the conclusion I never will. I will never feel like I have written well enough until I get an acceptance letter, and even then I'll think, "whew, I snuck one past them." That's the trouble with finding your self-image as a writer in the opinions of others.

Honestly, I do think the stories I've written are good. The fact that not everyone agrees highlights the subjective nature of reading fiction. That's what makes me nervous about MFA applications. I can't be guaranteed a spot by just getting a certain score on the GRE (which I still need to take). I've been recently that I will just stop worrying about others opinions (within reason) and write what I believe God is leading to write.

The good news for today is that I finished the first draft of "Miracles for Americans." It needs a lot of work, but it's good to actually get to the end of a story. It's my longest story so far, coming in at 19 pages and around 7200 words, but I'm hoping to lop a bit of that off. So I'll be editing that and taking another pass at "Come on, Casper" to look over some changes I made a month or two ago. Hopefully I'll be able to communicate the humor I intended in"Miracles." I haven't had a lot of experience at humor writing, so we'll see how that goes. It'll never be a laugh riot, but I think it will have a lighter tone than "Casper."

Still Pluggin' Away

Just another productivity report:

I've been waking up at 5:30 am this week. On purpose. Mary Ann and I have been struggling to find a good time for me to write these days, and I think this is the best solution. I've tried to do the late night thing; it seems the more 'writerly' thing to do, right? Writers are supposed to stay up late to drink and be tortured by their demons. Unfortunately (?), my demons kept standing me up, so Mary Ann and I broke with our 1-2AM tradition and started hitting the sack at 11:00. Since then things hve gone much better in the writing department.

Writerly Frustrations

If I could just write 1000 good words a day, I would be so happy that I would wet not just my pants, but everyone else's too.

Two Gross-Out Haikus

Here are two Gross-Out Haikus stemming from the same incident. I'm thinking of making these a significant part of my writing sample.

Finn's oranges, juice
and pizza revolt, dripping
down in my pocket

My Steeler's T-Shirt
Piled high with half-gnawed foodstuffs
The Superbowl one

He Thinks as He Types

I'm at the library right now. It's time to write, but I'm having a hard time bringing myself into the 'writerly mindset,' whatever that may be. It's that post-lunch energy dip, I guess. It's annoying because I have these times carved out to write every day, and if I don't do it now then I'll get nothing. But the ol' brain is in sleep mode.

Besides, I'm not sure what I'd write right now. I can always do VFO, but Rex is alerady working something I sent him a few days ago so I feel kinda 'caught up.' It's a dangerous feeling, but I'm going with it. I'd like to do some short story work, but I don't want to do any more editing on "Come On, Casper" until my group of readers give me their feedback (Thanks for yours, by the way, Mary Ann and Rex. You were both quite helpful). I could try and figure out a title, but I don't want to spend two hours on just that. I can brainstorm for titles while I clean at work tonight, or do my security runs.

I have a bunch of story ideas, but I don't want to work on another story where the protagonist is a jerk. I'd like to do something with a pleasant lead character, but I most of my ideas involve bad things happening big jerks. I do have one idea, though, that might fit the bill. But I've started on it before and it didn't feel right. All I have is a fairly bare concept. I guess I could work on plotting that story . . . I don't have to jump right into the first draft of the thing.

I think that's what I'll do. Thanks for helping me figure this stuff out, guys.

Joshua Duncan: Now with Productivity!!

It's only just June and already I feel like I've had a full summer. For one thing, I've been working a lot these days. Relatively speaking, I guess. My hours still don't equal full time employment. Still, it's more than I've worked (outside of class) since I got here. It's taken up a lot of time I would have liked to use for other good things (GRE study, writing, family time). But enough of the whiny stuff!

One great thing about this summer is the amount of time I've had to actually write--and the fact that I've utilized that time to do so. I've written the first couple of installments of the webcomic I'm doing with Rex Queems, and he e-mailed me today to express his excitement with them. That's always a bonus.

Not only that, but I've actually finished a story. An eleven pager, no less! I know of writers who could weave an eleven pager before breakfast, but nearly everything I've written fiction-wise has been fairly short. There were one or two longer pieces, but they got clunky and are in need of a good trim. So eleven pages is a good length for me. It gets me over halfway to a number of the page requirements for MFA applications as well, so that's bonus number two.

It's quite nice. After failing to write anything in the early months of this year I've made serious headway on a couple of long-standing projects. It's really a lovely feeling. I'm seriously reconsidering my love affair with procrastination.

"It's not you, sweetheart. It's me."

I like the sound of that.

Wanted: Humidifier for Dry Text

I spent about an hour working on VFO tonight. I'd been doing background work, but today I actually wrote a scene. I've discussed this scene with Rex already, and I think it has potential to be a nice, mysterious beginning. As it stands, though, the passage is about 500 dry-as-dust words. I'll come back to it and try to make it a bit more vibrant.

Still, it's nice to get this thing going after about a million false starts. I think it just needed more time to percolate. I'm not saying it's ready for drinking yet, to continue the metaphor, but we're closer now than we've ever been.

I Didn't Even Have to Use My AK . . .

I'd have to say it was a good couple of days.

My goodness, it feels good to sit down at the computer and write. Blogging is fun and all, but I'm not passionate about it like I am about fiction (as evidenced by this being only the fourth post this month). It has been sooo sweet. So sweet, in fact that I'm going to describe it to you.

DAY ONE:

I got a bit of a late start in the morning. Still working out the kinks in the schedule. Still, I sat down and worked on VFO. I actually sat down and worked on Vintage Furniture and Oddities for the first time in ages. It was all character background and concept development, but it was a lot of fun and it's pushing me in the right direction. I don't want to start a project like this without understanding my characters or having a decent plan as to where I'm going.

As an aside, I think that's been one of the problem's I've had with VFO. It started as a writing excercise I gave myself. I wanted to write 500 words and make up the story as a I went along. That became a problem once Rex Queems and I talked about doing VFO together. It was no longer a thing I could play with whenever I want and with no pressure. But those days are over! Developing the concept in more detail was nigh unto exhilerating.

Then I ate lunch.

After lunch, Day One took a downward turn. I worked for a couple of hours on the stuff I want to use for my MFA writing sample. HORROR. I couldn't write a word. "Come On, Casper" didn't flow at all. I actually tried my hand at a bunch of the stories I have unfinished on my laptop. Nothing. That was a discouraging afternoon.

DAY TWO:

I decided to do "Come On, Casper" in the morning this time, hoping that my mind would be a bit more fresh. What I didn't realize, though, was that the 'freshness' wasn't the issue. The issue was that I was so worried about theme and structure that I got stymied. I've been reading John Gardner's On Becoming a Novelist, and it really helped remind me that I was primarily doing this to tell stories. After that, a new direction for the story emerged and I worked happily through the morning.

Lunch again!

More VFO in the afternoon, and it just kept getting better. I got a handle on something that will be integral to the storyline; something that will provide direction and (I hope) suspense as the strip continues. Hopefully I'll be able to actually get to some of the writing soon. Anyway, day two was excellent.

DAY THREE:

Day three was a bit of a problem because I had to do some work this morning. That meant the morning session was out so we could get school and everything in.

And lunch.

The afternoon was truncated as well because I had a work meeting, but once that meeting ended I got right to it. I decided to go with "Come On Casper" rather than VFO because I wanted to keep yesterday's juices flowing. Happily, the story continued very well. I'm not cranking out tons of pages, but the story is moving along and I like the language and the direction (right now at least . . . ask me again tomorrow).

Tomorrow will be DAY FOUR. I'll miss the morning session again, but I'm looking forward to another couple of productive hours tomorrow afternoon. It'll be VFO, I think, so I can keep things moving.

Creating makes me happy. Doing that for a living . . . that would be a beautiful life.

The Rich, the Vivid, and the Beautiful: Priorities in Reading and MFAs

A friend of mine recently made his Facebook status something like, "You know you're a nerd if, once you've finished your semester, your first thought is, 'what books can I read now?" I laughed because that was exactly what thought I when I was walking away from my last final this semester. I have a long list of novels and short story collections that await my attention.

I started getting back into The Best American Short Stories of the Century before the semester actually ended. I'm still dedicated to reading through in order, and I've only just hit the 1940s. I enjoy getting samples of some of the best authors of the 20th Century in such a quick succession. Somehow it satisfies my truncated 21st Century attention span. You'd think the short story would be more popular these days, but I guess no matter how much you shorten a story it's still not a video game.

Another book I've given a second shot is Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping. I bought it last year at the Trinity Arts Conference because I enjoyed Gilead, but for some reason I got bogged down early with Housekeeping. It fell by the wayside and I moved on to other things.

Later, as readers of this blog are well aware, I began sorting through MFA programs. The list has changed repeatedly, but an early entry was the University of Iowa, where Marilynne Robinson teaches. Like Housekeeping, though, Iowa fell by the wayside. I wasn't sure about funding, so I took it off my list.

Recently, however, a couple of factors combined to put Iowa back on my list. First, I reread The Creative Writing MFA Handbook, and the ever-helpful Seth Abramson wrote that at Iowa they do whatever they can to make sure their students have the funding they need. That doesn't guarantee fully paid tuition and a stipend, but it means that there's at least a chance. So the money question was answered.

The other factor was a brief conversation I had with Jerram Barrs about MFA programs after class one day this past semester. It wasn't a momentous thing; he just pointed out that Marilyn Robinson was the head of the program there and that she was a Christian. I realized I that in the quest for funding I had lost sight of something important: A place for connection. I don't reckon Marilynne Robinson is in the PCA or anything, but there is a definite worldview connection there. I felt it when I read Gilead. I happily added Iowa back to my list.

My renewed interest in Iowa and Marilyn Robinson lead me to a renewed interest in Housekeeping (the book, not the activity). I began reading, and I have had a much different experience this time. I think I must have been impatient with it last year. Most of the fiction I enjoy conjures vivid images in my imagination, but Housekeeping does that less often. I am on chapter five and the images of the characters are still developing in my head. That is usually not the case for me, and it would normally drive me away from a book, but the treasure in Robinson's writing does not lie in the vivid image as much as the beautiful sentence. The story is compelling, but the joy of staying with Robinson is the unusually lovely turns of phrase she uses. It's makes for a slow read, but it's worth the time. Why run through the forest when you can stroll, touch the trees, and smell the growing greenness around you?

So thanks to Marilynne Robinson, for reminding me that there's more to an MFA than funding. And thanks for helping me understand that there's more to reading than the vivid image. Thanks from the bottom of my slightly-less-truncated 21st Century attention span.

Something That Could Probably Stop Now

Any story, strip, article that begins 'In which . . .,' as in 'In which Waldo receives an airbrushed catkin.' It's usually done in sort of a playful, ironic, pseudo-Victorian way, but it's over. It needs to stop. I enjoyed it at first, but it's become a substitute for an actual clever title (as my 'airbrushed catkin' line demonstrates).

Of course, Wondermark is exempted from the 'in which' ban because the cleverness of the strip, but also because the 'in which' bits are not featured prominently.

Visit Maple Mountain

A while back my old friend S.D. Smith asked if I could write a post he could put up on his blog, The Maple Mountain Story Club, when he and his wife had their baby. This was probably in January sometime, but I can't directly recall. I like S.D. and I like writing for other blogs, so I thought I would take him up on his offer.

I immediately realized I was faced with a problem. Most of what I post here amounts to hand-wringing about the future or attempts at humor that die miserably. I was guessing that S.D.'s crowd of readers didn't want to hear my progress toward MFA applications (there hasn't been much, by the way), nor did they want a one line humor post that likely involved the word 'butt.' So I had to come up with something good.

As it turns out, I had a decent idea percolating in my head. I had been thinking about The Band's song "The Weight" a lot, and I wanted to do a post on the concept of sainthood Robbie Robertson has in the song as opposed to a true Christian one. So I did. It worked out well because I knew I was never going to write a substantive post to put up here. It would be too much work. But for a friend, I would do it.

Go to S.D.'s blog and check it out. I read part of the post, but I find it hard to revisit my own writing once it's out there for public consumption. I see too many changes that need to be made. I've gotten a couple of nice comments though.

By the way, be sure to read S.D.'s introduction. It's probably the better piece of writing on the page and it captures me pretty darn well. Except I was a c-section baby, so I never went through the birth canal.

See, now you're curious. You'll have to check it out.

A Mini-Meditation on Writing

I should be doing something productive right now, but I'm not. I'm blogging. It's not that I think blogging is a waste of time; it's more like I have a number of things I could be doing. Like school reading. Paper writing. Heck, I could even be watching Princess Mononoke, which I rented today. At least that would get my imagination going.

I'm a big fan of the imagination. I guess that's why I keep wanting to add elements to the story I'm writing for Children's Lit this semester. It began as a straightforward LotR-esque adventure story, but as I've thought more and more about it--and watched a few Miyazaki movies--I've wanted to expand the world. I want to crack open the top of my head (metaphorically) and build a world that amazes. I don't want to populate a fantasy world with elves and dwarves and orcs, though there's nothing wrong with doing that. I want to bend categories. I want to invent critters that hang in the imagination long after you've read their stories. I want to blend the stuff of differing historical eras into one and make it seem as natural as breathing. That, to me, sounds exciting.

I haven't abandoned adult fiction, though. "Come on Casper" is still in the works. It's just not something I'm working on for a class these days. That story is a different kind of challenge. It's more about structure and getting the language just right . . . not giving away too much before the end of the story, etc. Of course, as I typed that, I recognized that children's lit requires all that too. I just don't get to 'play around' as much with "Come on Casper."

Is it less fun then? Yes and no. It's not a blast like inventing monsters and other whimsical doodads, but there's an intense pleasure that comes from actually constructing a story and using structural elements to guide the reader when the subject matter doesn't make reading the story 'fun.' That's what I like about adult lit. Still, though, I plan on incorporating the fantastic into my 'serious' adult fiction later. I just have to figure out how to work it out.

OK. Time to be productive.

Writing Update: "Come on, Casper"

I've posted lately about submitting stories, researching MFAs and plain ol' nonsense, so I thought I'd make a post about how my writing is going. Of course, I wouldn't make this post unless there was news, so I wanted to say I'm pleased to announce I've finished the first draft of a story. Not huge news, I know, but news nonetheless.

The story, now titled "Come On, Casper" but due for a name change, weighs in at about 1700 words. Much of what I do seems to fall in that range. That total will go up or down depending on how the editing process goes, but I wouldn't expect much fluctuation.

It seems odd to me that I worked on "Keep Thinking, Keep Moving" for one day and it hit just under 1000 words, while I've worked on "Come On, Casper" on and off for a couple of months and it's 1700. I guess I'll never write a 20 page short story. I'm not sure why that is. I'll have to think about it.

Anyway, I think the story has some potential, but it needs a good hearty tweak or two. The structure is basically there, and the thread of the story as well, but it needs shaping and polishing. That's still a new process to me. I never used to edit the stories I wrote. I suppose that's why I never considered them worth keeping. I want my stories to be worth keeping, though, so editing is a necessity. Thanks for reading, and I'll keep you posted.

Anderbo? AnderNO.

Well, Anderbo got back to me slightly faster than the one to three months than I expected. They politely declined to use my story. I didn't even have time to get nervous. At this rate I expect journals to start sending me preemptive rejections.

EDIT: And just for the record, I harbor no ill will toward Anderbo. I would submit to them again any day. I was just surprised to receive notice that early.

Submitted for Their Approval

For the first time in my life, I have submitted a story for publication. I sent Keep Thinking, Keep Moving to Evening Street Press and Anderbo. I wanted to send it to a few more places, and probably will, but some of the others I was looking at don't accept on-line submissions.

I'll keep everyone posted.

One Clean Slate with a Heaping Tablespoon of Uncertainty

Clean slate, folks. We have a new year to muck around in. I usually don't make a big deal about the new year (after all, it is technically just another day), but I feel a bit different today. There's something about having a specific goal for the year that changes my perspective. I know I have a lot of work to do for the MFA applications, and I know it has to be good work. I can't work on my writing sample with, say, the same forethought and effort I give to these blog posts. Nor can I let the MFA requirements slip for a month or ten. Procrastination is not an option this year. With the the number of application fees I'll have to pay, I can't afford to wait and do them all at once.

Then there's the GRE. My general impression is that the GRE doesn't matter much for the MFA programs themselves, but the grad schools in general require them. So I'll need to study for that. The GRE has double the pressure, though, because I have to beat my brother's score, and he hasn't left me much wiggle room. Right bro? Seriously, this test is a big deal. There's at least the possibility that my score could be a tie-breaker between me and an equally qualified candidate.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like a high school senior applying to some top colleges. When I applied to college I had no doubt I would get in to my schools of choice. Marshall University and Tri-State Bible College are fairly non-competetive. I was even confident about getting in here at the seminary. Covenant is a good school, but it's not primarily a scholar's seminary. Now, on the other hand, I'm applying to schools that are among the best in the field. That means I'll be up against the best writing students in the nation. If it was just a standardized test, I wouldn't worry about it so much, but writing is more subjective. Add to that the fact that I don't have a good sense of what quality of work I can do consistently, and my consternation increases.

So hopefully in the next few months I can crank out a couple of perfect 10 stories, which will then lead to me getting into every program I apply to. Then I can stroll onto campus as a superstar, and writing success will inevitably follow. That's how it works, right?