But we are not taking this step without risk. We worked on a budget a couple of nights ago, and it was UGLY. Our expenses are too high. We’re taking out student loans. The specter of tremendous debt looms overhead. Worse, my wife has seen her dream of being able to leave work and stay at home with the boys full time slip away yet again. Long story short: we were depressed.
I travel for my job every Wednesday. I got into the CRV my mood was nearly as bleak as it had been the night before. My brain was swimming in fear and second guesses. What in the world will happen to us? How will I ever get my degree? Should I have just planned to stay in Huntington? The issue was compounded by the fact that I had already tendered my resignation for my job. I felt trapped. I went through the work day seeking relief and finding none.
On my way to Praise Team Practice that night God spoke to me.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
A wave of joy washed over me. Somehow, some way, I had forgotten that Romans 8:28 was true! Once I thought about it, I realized that it really doesn’t matter if I get my M.Div. or not. It doesn’t matter if I have to take a semester off, or have to start taking classes part time. God is in this move. If I never finish my degree at CTS, yet remain faithful to Him and serve His purpose I am a blessed man.
After practice I drove home glorifying the Lord. He would not abandon me. He has promised to sustain me. My wife, however, was still hurting. When the time came for our evening Bible study she struggled for motivation. We turned to the book of Revelation and read chapter seven. We discussed different eschatological positions and enjoyed the praise that the multitudes gave to God. Toward the end of the study one of our boys woke up and I went to get him back to sleep. When I returned she pointed verse 17:
“For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
“I guess God never promised to make things easy for us here, did He?” she said. I sat down and we hugged each other for a while. Before we went to bed we prayed that we would find our satisfaction in God alone, not in money and not in a job or the lack thereof. That nigh sleep came easily.